Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
MIDGETS
????
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
