I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
