You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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