Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
