i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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