I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
