it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize