Can Purell be used as lube?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
