Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Still dying that you shit outside
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize