I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
