I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
