so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
