what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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