ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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