I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
