True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
