Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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