his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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