At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
