I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
