return my video game
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
