20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
