i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
