do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
