He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
