Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
