I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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