I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
