guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
