I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
