to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
