There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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