don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize