Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The best revenge is premature balding
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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