There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize