Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
