Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
