Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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