never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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