just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
