yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
