when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
