I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
