Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
