Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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