U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize