my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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