By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
