she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
two words...techno handjob
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
