I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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