last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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