Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The maid of honor just puked.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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