I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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