Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
