Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
