My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
please come you make the beer taste better
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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