i just google imaged poop.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
