it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
