I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
