I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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