She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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