I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
