Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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