Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
