Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
