they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
