Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize