So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
