Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
