my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
