I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
