I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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