I puked a lego.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
